just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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