Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
