i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
