Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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