All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
