her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
