On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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