I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
