You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
