I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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