i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize