I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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