On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
