So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
