that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
