if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
