dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
