Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
