omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
