There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
