It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
