Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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