I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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