we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
