Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
