They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my sisters under your porch take her home
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
