Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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