bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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