Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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