The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
