you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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