A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
