I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
