We're facebook friends in real life
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
