There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
