The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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