I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
