Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
