...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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