And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
