the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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