Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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