just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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