Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
