I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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