break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
