Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
