Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
