he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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