I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
