you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
