No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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