Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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