Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
