Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
