apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
