What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
