I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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