so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
