Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
