I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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