WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
