we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
