Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
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how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
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In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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