I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
