my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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